Foster Families: Making a Difference
NOTE TO EDITORS: Foster Family Week is being marked Oct. 18-24 this year to recognize and honour the dedication and support of those who offer foster care to children in need. The following is a feature profile of one such individual.
Donna Carde's three children are all grown up and on their own. But instead of taking time for herself after her kids moved out, she decided she wanted to help make a difference in the lives of other children who needed the love and support she had to offer. Ms. Carde decided to become a foster parent.
Since making the decision to open her heart and home to other people's children, the single foster parent from Amherst has enjoyed the company of 21 "little ones" and "young fellas," as she affectionately refers to them. The children have ranged in ages from five to 16, and their stays have varied from a weekend to almost two years.
The personality differences from child to child are visible from the first night they enter Ms. Carde's home. "Some of them just want to be left alone for a while; others want to sit and talk, and sometimes I just take them out for ice cream to break the ice," she says.
Being a foster parent has given Ms. Carde an opportunity to enjoy a variety of activities she would not otherwise have been exposed to. The 12-and 14-year-old boys currently in her care keep her busy with sporting events. The younger of the two enjoys playing hockey in the winter and baseball in the summer, while the older is dedicated to track and field. Ms. Carde feels she has made a positive difference in her foster children's interests in sports. When the younger recently won the award for top score in a hockey game, Ms. Carde was not only proud of him but of herself as well.
"I knew it was his success, but it was also partly mine," she says.
Ms. Carde feels family reunification is an important part of the foster care experience. She understands the special bond shared by a parent and child. "I think 90 per cent of the children that come into this home, no matter what has happened to them in the past, want their parents," she says. She sees her house as a safety zone when her foster children have visits with their parents.
Ms. Carde believes that with help from Community Services, many people are capable of becoming good parents. She still keeps in touch with two of the families who have been reunited. One family, reunited after the two children spent nearly a year in Ms. Carde's care, calls her from Alberta regularly to let her know how the little ones are making out. Another mother calls often to let Ms. Carde know how her daughter is doing and to ask her advice on difficult situations.
Ms. Carde says being a foster parent is rewarding, but it's not for everyone. "I think you have to be patient; I think you have to be consistent," she says. "You have to be able to work well with the families and the agency."
She recommends that as with any life-altering decision, the choice to become a foster parent should be thoroughly researched with the realization that because of past experiences or their personalities, some children may be hard to handle.
Ms. Carde's rewards come from seeing that children she's cared for are back on the right track. The effect her care has had on the children who have lived with her is perhaps best summed up by the words of a small boy who stayed with her for almost a year. Reunited with his parents, the boy, who had muscular dystrophy, called her and said in his unique voice: "Donna, when I get old, I'm comin' back to you."